Monday, June 24, 2013

thirty-one weeks.

Date/How Far Along: June 24, 2013 = 31 weeks and 2 days. 

Size of baby:  Soccer Ball.  We realize a basketball and a soccer ball are very similar, but the baby is gaining weight and very slowly gaining a few more inches in height. 

Sleep:   It hasn't been too bad.  The worst is him kicking me at 4am when I wake up to go pee and then can't fall back to sleep.  We slept in a hotel Friday and Saturday night for Grandma's Marathon and the beds there did not help my sleep.  I was very thankful to be back in my own bed last night.  I do find the lack of blankets that I use funny.  I'm usually completely snuggled in but lately I am so warm that I have a blanket under my leg wrapped around my hips and my belly just wiggles out of my shirt while I'm sleeping.  I'm sure it's a hilarious sight to John. 
Total Weight Gain:  I gained one more pound so I'm up to 154, so 21 pounds.  I'm not upset about it, just amazed at how pregnancy has changed my body. 

Symptoms:  Minor aches and pains, nothing major.  I'm so thankful.

Movement:  Lately he has been stretching a lot and so my sides hurt because he pushes so hard against them.  On Friday the midwife showed my sister Hannah how to find his knees and feet, so she had a fun time this weekend finding where he was sticking out. 

Maternity Clothes:  I didn't quite conquer my swimsuit fear at the hotel, John made me.  Wearing the bikini with other people around makes me feel like I'm back in high school and people are whispering about me.  It didn't take a long time for the feeling to pass though and we just hung out at the pool for a while.  I'm still trying to wear some of my pre-pregnancy t-shirts, but I don't know how much longer it will last.  They are really starting to fan out.  I might end up with the bottom of my bump showing soon. 

Go-to eats:  I haven't really been opposed to anything, but still love tacos.  I've still had a lot of trouble with too much salt and just feel incredibly gross afterwards.  

Best moment/s of the week:  Cheering Hannah and John on at Grandma's Marathon this past weekend.  I'm proud of Hannah for finishing her first and John his second! 

Hardest moment/s of the week:  Saying goodbye to my favorite yoga teacher.  She had to move to California with her family.  She will truly be missed!

Gender:  He's a boy.

What I wish people knew:  I honestly had a great one yesterday, but of course today is has completely vanished into thin air.  Thought of it!  I wish everyone knew how strong women are.  I am not a feminist by any means, but I'm amazed at the choices women make for themselves, their babies and their families.  I'm impressed by the lengths they'll go to to have a family.  To anyone every women out there, you are strong!
What I’m looking forward to:  We get to see John's sister and family and his extended family this weekend for a shower and we have maternity photos on Saturday.  So excited! 

Milestones:  You are going through a large amount of brain and nerve development this week.  All five of your senses are also functioning :) 

To check out my growing bump click here :)

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

thirty weeks.

Date/How Far Along: June 18, 2013 = 30 weeks and 3 days. 

Size of baby: Basketball

Sleep: I slept without my pillow for the first time on Saturday night and it's wasn't pretty.  Lots of restlessness and waking up.  I am often tired, but I have been trying to make sure I'm in bed before 10pm.
Total Weight Gain:  I only know up to the 20 pound mark, but have another appointment this Friday, so I'll get an update.  I feel like he's gaining weight really fast now because I'm always hungry!

Symptoms:  Just some back pain.  I experienced swollen feet for the first time and I had to chuckle at them because I honestly couldn't recognize my own feet.  I guess it was just another way of my body telling me to drink more water and to sit down and take a break. 

Movement:  So much and he's so strong!  On Father's Day my mom, sisters, brother, grandma and mother-in-law got to feel him.  He kicks really hard when I lay on one of my sides.  They all loved feeling him and I love watching them experience it. 

Maternity Clothes:  Yup, except for my swimsuit.  I've been rocking my bikini in the backyard.  We are headed to Duluth this weekend to watch John and my sister Hannah run Grandma's Marathon.  The hotel has a pool and I might bring my maternity swimsuit because I'm not sure my confidence level is quite high enough for a hotel.  

Go-to eats:  I've eaten a lot of pickles recently.  Asian food.  We've been eating lots of carbs for John to load up for the marathon.  I don't feel like I've been having strong cravings for anything in particular, but I'm so hungry all the time!

Best moment/s of the week:  Celebrating Father's Day with John, my dad, John's dad, and John's grandpa Jack.  I got to spend some much needed time with my mom on Sunday morning because I sleep poorly :)  We also finally connected with some friends for supper.  

Hardest moment/s of the week:  Missing John.  I don't know what it is sometimes, I just miss him.

Gender:  I'm carrying a little guy.

What I wish people knew:  Support, kind words and gifts go a long way.  I feel loved because I've found out the baby is already so loved.  It's been such a blessing.
What I’m looking forward to: Cheering John and Hannah on while they run their marathon this weekend.  Seeing my aunt Barb and other family this Friday.

Milestones:  Your grip is now strong enough to grasp a finger and you're continuing to gain weight. 

To check out my growing bump click here :)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Pregnancy and Fear

We are two days shy of 30 weeks.  It's already the middle of June!  We have started going to midwife appointments every two weeks instead of every month.  The nursery is almost done.  Everything we've received as gifts is put away and ready for Little Hammar.  Holy buckets.

Throughout this pregnancy there have been different issues that have scared me.  Some of them have been short-lived while others still cross my mind daily.  John is sweet to me and is always willing to lend his ear, but he wants to be Mr. Fix-It and sometimes my emotional pregnancy brain can't let go.  My regular brain has a hard enough time wrapping around change.  There are so many "what ifs".

Early on I was scared about gaining weight and it doesn't bother me anymore.  I look great with an extra twenty pounds (not that it feels that good on my back), haha :)  I have been scared about not getting my body back, but I've had more than one friend tell me not to worry and even if my body doesn't look the same as women we sacrifice our bodies for our babes.  I've been scared about not looking good for John anymore, but we've talked that through more than once and I think he's convinced me that it's not the case.  He is great at inserting compliments when I need them most.  Apparently strangers think it's okay to comment on how I look and it's usually been positive, so that's always a nice boost.  All these fears are really issues that I can deal with and come along with pregnancy.  They are about preserving the person I was, which for the most part is just not important to me anymore.  My life is transitioning from being a wife and nanny to being a wife and momma.  I'm scared that something will happen to the baby, which in most cases I know I couldn't control, but it's still scary.  There are times I want to keep him inside for as long as possible because I know he's safe in there.

The fears I think about daily are harder to admit to and to talk about.  They make me emotional and no matter how much I talk about them they tend to still cross my mind.

I'm scared that my relationship with John will become secondary.  His mom has told us about how his grandpa used to say (to his kids) that his wife was the most important person in his life.  As much as it seemed silly when we heard the story it resonates with me now.  I want to be the most important person in John's life.  It's selfish, but I love him so much and he's such a wonderful husband.  I just don't want to lose that.  It still surprises me how much our relationship has already changed, all aspects of it too.  Life is focused on the baby.  We go on dates, which is wonderful, but we talk about the baby.  We go shopping, but often end up at Carter's or in the baby section at Target.  This little man is a spectacular and very exciting life change for us.  We love him SO much already!  We both know our lives will change, but it doesn't mean it'll be worse, probably better actually.  That's what I have to keep telling myself.

I'm scared about experiencing postpartum depression.  Since I've had depression the odds of experiencing the illness postpartum are higher.  (  I love this baby so much, but I know that some new mommas just struggle.  What if I have trouble bonding with him?  I've told myself that I have to commit myself to a few outings like a new mommas group, bring your own baby yoga or a young women's Bible study to get myself out of the house.  I've decided and told John that I have to make sure I shower every day and get dressed, even if it's yoga pants they can't be the ones I wore the bed the night before.  I just plan to take preventative steps to conquer my postpartum period.    

I'm scared about labor and delivery.  I'm scared because there is so much unknown surrounding it.  I can plan/hope for a certain birth and have an entirely different one.  I don't know what the pain will feel like.  I don't know how long my body will have to endure labor.  I don't know if my body will progress the way it should.  I don't know if I'll have to allow interventions to take place.  I just don't know and I won't know until after it's over and even then I've heard that oxytocin has an affect on memory, so who knows.  I'm honestly thankful that I'll have John by my side because he's level-headed and he knows what I want, so even if I can't convey my wishes he will.

I'm scared of feeling like a failure.  Wow, saying that out loud feels gross.  I've always been hard on myself and this journey into motherhood hasn't proven to be any different.  I am leaps and bounds better than I was in high school, but the thought of not living up to my own expectations (or my perceived expectations of others) is painful.  I want for the most part a natural childbirth.  What if the pain is too much or my body doesn't do what I thought it was supposed to know how to do?  I want to breastfeed.  What if he has trouble latching or what if I don't produce enough milk?  I want to be a great momma to him.  I want to still be a great wife.  I want John to be proud of me.  I want to live up to my plans, but I know that life doesn't always work that way.  I just pray that I am able to celebrate what goes as planned and let go of the events that don't.  This was an incredible read for me: 

So I'm scared and I think it's healthy.  If I said I didn't have any fears I would be lying and if I actually believed I didn't have any I would be in denial.  I'm not good at embracing change and along with that comes fear and stress for me.  I don't mind being vulnerable to others because I feel like it helps me to process.  It helps me to learn about myself through the experiences of others.  No one can help me if I don't first admit the fear to myself and then ask for advice or just a listening ear.

Monday, June 10, 2013

twenty-nine weeks.

Date/How Far Along: June 10, 2013 = 29 weeks and 2 days.  We're already starting appointments every two weeks!
Size of baby: Kettle Bell
Sleep: Sleep is hit or miss most nights.  I've been sleeping like a rock for the past few nights, but there were days last week where I felt so exhausted.  I'm still thankful for my pregnancy pillow and have recently discovered a lot of back pain relief in our recliner.  I have fallen asleep there a few evenings. 
Total Weight Gain:  Exactly 20 pounds since starting.  I started at 133 and was 153 pounds a day shy of 29 weeks. 
Symptoms:  Not much physically, except minors aches.  Emotionally though I've started to feel scared.  He's coming soon and I am SO excited to meet him, but I'm still scared.  I'll probably write a whole post about it this week.   
Movement:  Lots and I'm trying to savor every bit of it, since I have no idea what the future holds. 
Maternity Clothes:  Yup, there isn't much else to say about it :)  They are so much more comfortable than regular clothes.  I have decided though that I really like the full panel pants.  I didn't think I would because honestly they look a little ridiculous (See photo :), but I think they provide some great tummy support.  I don't think I would buy any other kind for future pregnancies. 
Go-to eats:  Tacos.  Meat.  I've been having a rough time with salt.  If we eat out I've noticed that my body is not happy if there was lots of salt.   
Best moment/s of the week:  Having some great heart to heart talks with John.  It's been such a blessing for me to be able to express my fears to him.  He's patient with me too because I get extra emotional when I talk about my feelings. 
Hardest moment/s of the week:  Being scared.
Gender:  The baby will be wearing a onesie that says, "Handsome like Daddy."

What I wish people knew:  I have nothing this week.  I hope everyone reading this is having a wonderful week!   

What I’m looking forward to:  Supper with our dear friends Derek and Rachel tonight!  And getting to see family next weekend for Father's Day.  
Milestones:  You are bulking up for delivery.  You will at least double if not close to triple your weight by the time we get to meet you!
To check out my growing bump click here :)

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

twenty-eight weeks = start of third trimester!

Date/How Far Along: June 4, 2013 = 28 weeks and 3 days.  We made it into our third trimester!  I'm getting so excited to meet the little guy.  I have a feeling the summer is going to fly by.
Size of baby: Football.  We got sick of the fruit and vegetable references.  We'll see how the last trimester goes :)
Sleep: The last two nights have been great, but I still feel tired.  It's not quite the tired I felt back in the first 15 weeks, but it's definitely exhaustion.  I've also had trouble falling back to sleep if I wake up past 5:30am because the sun is SO bright streaming into our room.  I guess it's good baby prep.
Total Weight Gain:  I assume I'll hit the 20 pound mark on Friday.  We'll see. 
Symptoms:  I've had headaches this past week, but I think it's my body craving more water.  I feel like I drink so much water and have to pee constantly, but my head still hurts.  I've also had just general muscle soreness, mostly in my abdominal/hip/low back. 
Movement:  Still a lot and still so strong.  I am also able to feel where a body part is because my abdomen will be quite hard in specific spots.  He sits mostly on my right side and that's where I feel most of his movements. 
Maternity Clothes:  There's no turning back on those :)  I am still wearing t-shirts, but it's funny when I'm outside I get a bit of an updraft of wind because my bump is making my shirt fan out.  Makes for a cold stomach on walks since it hasn't been very warm.  I did end up ordering a bunch of dresses from Old Navy and kept three of them.  I wore one to another shower we had last weekend.  (Click here for a photo or just check out the dress in the photo above.)  I actually got that one in pink and blue.  I think they're a tiny bit long, but I'm short, so it is what it is.  At least they fit and don't look like burlap sacks. 
Go-to eats:  Yesterday I just wanted meat and I ate a large bunch of pickles.  I've been making meal plans to keep us from eating out and it's funny to see what I come up with.  Our grocery trips are also humorous to me because there are items that I wouldn't usually buy (bakery cookies, Reeses Puffs, veggie dip), but my pregnant body wants them.  We've been loving Capri Suns lately too. 
Best moment/s of the week:  Last weekend was wonderful.  The babe and I went to a baby shower with my youth group girls and it was so much fun.  I felt so blessed!  They were also so generous even though they're all college students.  We got a lot of cute toys and clothes and some great baby necessities.  Before the shower I got to go to prenatal yoga with two good pregnant friends and have coffee with them after.  We actually had a dance party during yoga too.  So fun.  Sunday John cleaned out the garage and it looks phenomenal now and it makes the nesting part of me SO happy.  We got to have supper with my sister Erin and her husband Ryan on Sunday night too.  We also went to Ikea for some finishing touches for the nursery.  I'll post about it soon!
Hardest moment/s of the week:  Feeling a disconnect from John.  We just get so busy and are both so tired at the end of the day that it's hard to connect or even have the energy to talk to each other.  We got a date night on Saturday, so that was wonderful.  It was much needed!
Gender:  The Dragon Warrior is a boy. 

What I wish people knew:  I stress about pregnancy/labor and delivery/baby thoughts sometimes and I'm sorry if I complain too much.  

What I’m looking forward to:  Tonight we are hosting a family get-together because some of my relatives are here from Nebraska.  I'm excited to see them and my mom and sisters.   
Milestones:  You can now taste and smell and make little baby tears :)
To check out my growing bump click here :)