Friday, November 19, 2010


I struggle daily, if I'm honest with myself, with feeling worthy.  I am a person that is extremely scared, even deathly afraid of failure.  I am a perfectionist.  I am afraid to let my family and friends down, but ultimately to let myself down.  It weighs on my heart and hurts me.  I am going to fight it and I'm going to win.  I am going to see my world as more than black and white, failure or success.  I am going to come out on the other side more of the person God intended me to be, living out the life He intended for me.  I'm posting this list for me as a reference.  It'll be a place I can come to when I'm struggling, read my words and find hope and know that the grass is greener on the other side. 

If I fail, I'll just take it over. 
If I have to go an extra semester, that's fine. 
If I gain ten pounds, I'll still be beautiful. 
If I sin, I can be forgiven.
If I fail, people won't be disappointed.
If I have to cut something out of my schedule, it's ok.
If someone else is disappointed in me, I have to brush it off.
If I feel pressured into something, I have to do what's best for me and my family. 
If I feel ugly, I have to tell myself I'm beautiful.
If I feel useless, I have to tell myself God has a plan for me.
If I feel like I can't do something, I have to give it my best effort. 

If I feel used, I have to pull myself up.
If I feel depressed, I have to pick myself up.
If I feel overwhelmed, I have to take one step at a time.
If I feel stressed, I have to take one thing at a time.

If I don't feel worthy, I have to tell myself I am.
If I don't feel loved, I have to tell myself I am.
If I don't feel good enough, I have to tell myself I am.

God didn't promise a life full of happiness, but He promised He would always be there for me.  He is the one and only, that I know I can always count on.  He made me in his image and I need to start acting like it.  I am good enough, worthy, loved, "as is".  I am accepted "as is". I can enjoy life and life it to the fullest.  I strive each day to honor him and praise him, but he still accepts me "as is".  What a beautiful thought. 


  1. What a lovely, honest, sad post. I get it. When we look in the mirror, we see the flaws first. I am faced with that every day. But there is a lot of goodness and kindness in you, and I like your list of resolution. You can overcome bad with good! Thanks for sharing this!

  2. Em, this is a wonderful honest post. I will pray for you dear friend. Just remember Christ died on that cross for you because he knew YOU were worthy.