To My 27th Year: Monthly Follow-Up

So much for posting even a few times through the Hopes and Plans link-up. This month has been crazy and I had intentions of blogging on Mondays, but the free time just didn't present itself. Due to that I decided that I want to commit to writing a follow up to my post To My 27th Year the first Monday of each month. I hope that I'm able to follow through for the whole year, so I can look back and see how I've done.  I'm already happy about my first month!  Since I'm linking up, go check out Amanda's blog Marry Mint :)

Here's to the September of my 27th year...

1. Use Less Technology - This is my most successful goal so far, but I failed to turn off my devices by 9pm.  I may have even reverted a little because my phone has been near me a bit more.  I haven't brought my phone into our bedroom though, so that's a win!  I'm going to try and have my phone off between 8:30-9pm and then once I get the hang of that I'll start limiting my iPad time.  I know it helps me wind down and relax at the end of the night, but I'm hoping to do a lot more crafting while we watch TV since Christmas is right around the corner!      

2. Bake My Little Heart Out - This month was not as good as last month for baking.  I did make the Pumpkin Banana Chocolate Chip muffins again.  I was able to pass some along to friends and bring them to a get-together with John's family, but a few still didn't get eaten.  I think it's safe to say I need to bench that recipe until next year.  My mom gave me a pumpkin cookie recipe that I might try this month.  I have all the ingredients currently so I have no excuse.  As far as the apples from last month I was able to share a lot of them with family and friends (my mom made applesauce), but I still haven't used any of mine.  The few that looked bad fed the squirrels outside if that counts :)  Maybe I'll make something fall-themed in the next few weeks and hand it out with our leftover Halloween candy.

3. Take Advantage of Snail Mail - We did well on this one too!  We've written to eight people so far on my list (some of them more than once).  We haven't had any art time recently but I hope to get some in this week.  He picked out some Thanksgiving crafts at Michaels, so I look forward to getting creative with those.  Kai has actually gotten some mail back from his letters to which is probably more fun for me than it is for him.  I'm also thinking about Christmas cards.  If I want to get them done it should probably be soon...  we'll see. 

4. No Picking - I don't know if this will be accomplished within my 27th year. Argh.

5. Church - No change :(  We were all planned and ready to go Saturday, but I was so sick.  I'm just going to keep praying that the opportunity to go is wide open and we don't have any other plans infringe on it or overlap with it.  Otherwise maybe we'll have to try and start going Sunday morning.  Kai and I are usually already up. Here's to November... 

6. See a Friend - This one we've done well on. I tag-teamed Ikea with our wonderful friend Anna who has a little gal named Emma, went for a walk with our friend Katie, saw my friend Amy whom I haven't seen for over a year, hung out with Michelle more than once and had two baby showers where I saw friends.  It was a wonderful month for friends!  I think this month my goal is to see one friend on a weekend/evening without Kai.  I rarely get time for myself and that sounds pretty wonderful. 

7. Go Walking/Exploring - We have gone on a couple walks, but we haven't explored anything new this month.  Kai did get to carve a pumpkin for the first time and loved it!  We went to the apple orchard again.  Last week we went home to be with my family for an overnight and Kai got to ride in the combine with Grandpa Dan and that was an adventure for him!  His favorite book currently is about trucks/tractors, so he loved it.

8. Sew/Craft:  This month I made some cloth diaper inserts for some covers I purchased and a baby hat.  I didn't complete too many projects, but I started a bunch.  I have some hand warmers and a neck warmer in the works for a friend's mom, a t-shirt quilt and some more baby hats in the works.  I finished the biggest, most wonderful project yesterday with my sister.  We made a bench for the completely not kid friendly brick hearth. My brother-in-law made the wooden part and my sister and I did the foam and fabric.  I LOVE how it turned out!  Here's the tutorial we used as inspiration! I'm hoping to craft a lot in the next two months for Christmas!

9. Savor - I'm working on it everyday.  Sometimes I just sit and watch Kai take the world in.  It's the best feeling ever.  I love it!

If you live in Minnesota, what fun places have you been with/without kids?  How do you allow yourself to savor?    

Thanks for reading!  I'll leave you with one of my favorite pictures from the last month.  Sorry if there's errors in this post as I'm finishing Kai is yelling "mama" from his crib so no proofreading for me (again this month!) :)

Losing Baby #2

Disclaimer: I plan to be very honest and descriptive when I talk about our miscarriage experience. I don't mean to sadden, gross out or offend anyone. Everything I write are my own feelings or John's. I want to be helpful to anyone going through a similar experience. While we were going through it I couldn't find any personal stories that were detailed enough to relate to which is what lead me to post. I know it will also be healing for me. Thanks for reading!

My period didn't come back after having Kai until he was almost eleven months old. John and I knew we wanted to have our babies close together so I was relieved I wouldn't have to choose between breastfeeding (which can delay the return) my sweet boy and conceiving another little one. I have a history of an irregular cycle so we figured it was our cue to try and if we hit the magic day great, if not we had time. I started getting negative tests mid-July. I was bummed, but figured it was our first try and I was focusing on the trip to St. Thomas we had planned. I packed pregnancy tests and other "supplies" to be prepared for both scenarios. After a few days on vacay, Aunt Flo still hadn't visited, so I took a test, negative. A few days later another test and a faint positive!  I took the test again very early in the morning (Here's the blog about finding out about Kai!) It took a little while to sink in, but I felt happy. John woke up right on cue, so I was able to let him in on our secret. We were unable to celebrate out loud because we had brought my youngest sister on vacation with to help with Kai.  We only had a few more days of vacation so we soaked in the sun, sand and beautiful Caribbean ocean water and then it was time to go home.  Here's a little tidbit I wrote on vacation for our sweet baby:

"Yesterday we found out you were coming. You are an answer to prayer sweet baby! The night before I prayed for a sign either way because I hadn't gotten my period and all the tests I had taken were negative. I took a test at 4am and surprise you're inside growing!  We love you already! Can't wait to meet you!"

After we got home I called the midwives to schedule my first prenatal appointment.  They don't see you until 8-10 weeks so I scheduled my appointment for August 28.  We had decided to tell people on Kai's first birthday August 23 because my sister was getting married on August 16th and we didn't want to take away any of their thunder :)  I was so excited to keep our secret just for us.  John and I could smile at each other and no one else knew our sweet news just yet.  I bought some big brother books to wrap for Kai for his birthday and we would let everyone find out that way. 

                                               

On Saturday, August 10th in the evening I started spotting.  It's not unusual during pregnancy, so John was sweet and kept encouraging me not to worry about it.  It felt off and yucky and not right to me.  I was headed home Sunday afternoon to help finish up a few last wedding details and by that point it still hadn't stopped but it was very light.  Everything I read online said to call your provider if bleeding is present so I called Monday morning.  I was transferred here and there and everywhere on the phone, until finally I left a message with the midwife nurse line and then all I had to do was wait for the midwife to call back.  She did finally call back and reassure me again that everything sounded fine because I wasn't experiencing heavy bleeding or cramping.  She said our best plan of action was to schedule an ultrasound.  That would be able to tell us if we were losing the baby or if the spotting was normal. If the spotting was normal it would just be considered our "dating ultrasound" to figure out how far along we were. We scheduled it for the next day, so I headed home Monday night.

Tuesday morning came and I was full of nerves and water. I still think asking a pregnant lady to drink 16 oz of water an hour before an ultrasound and then keep it in while the technician pushes her her bladder is crazy. John stayed home to hang out with Kai since still hadn't told any of our family about the pregnancy. I went to my appointment feeling like I was going to pee my pants the whole way. Since I had gone through a dating ultrasound with Kai I knew what I would be looking for. First they did an outer ultrasound, then she let me pee. Sweet relief! Second a transvaginal ultrasound, basically an inner ultrasound to see what's going on in there better. The tech said she had hoped to tell me something either way (if we were miscarrying or if everything looked good). Kai looked like this at his dating ultrasound at 9 weeks. Sweet little gummy bear, kicking and punching with a beautifully visible beating heart! 

                                    

She said they first look for the sac, then fetal pole, fetus and lastly heartbeat. She found the gestational sac and it was an empty, just black and empty. The technician told me that I wasn't even measuring 5 weeks and I knew that wasn't possible. Let's just say the dates didn't line up with what she was telling me. She said the sac was in a great position high up in my uterus and that the midwife would look over the results and get back to me. I appreciated her kind and encouraging words, but still felt defeated. The pregnancy didn't feel right to me and neither did the bleeding.

(Warning: Graphic details ahead.) I got home around lunchtime and John got ready for work. When he left I told him that I was feeling pretty awful. He told me to call if I needed him to come home. I was cramping, nauseous and flu-like. I started to bleed heavier and pass larger and larger clots. I knew something was going on. That continued throughout the day not getting better or worse. Around 7pm I sneezed and felt something come out. It was a feeling I've never felt before. I went to the bathroom and turns out it was the gestational sac, all the tissue that was in there suppose to be making a baby. It was like a tissue blob. I honestly didn't know what to do with. It felt so wrong to throw it away and felt even worse to flush it down the toilet. I didn't know how to properly get rid of it without feeling like I was discarding a child. I felt numb. We ended up burying it in the backyard. That felt weird too, but it was the best solution John and I could come up with. After I passed that my body felt so much better. It was strangly a relief. 

I felt peace about losing the baby although it stung. We wanted him/her! It was possibly a blighted ovum which is a baby that implanted but didn't start forming because of a genetic mutation. I think the biggest hardship was not being able to talk to my mom about it. She is fabulous and would've been great and supportive but I didn't want to bother her or anyone else right before the wedding. (I ended up spilling the beans the morning of the wedding. I know right right?!?! I just couldn't do the day without her knowing.) Wednesday was like any other. I felt a little sore but with Kai consuming all of my energy I got through the day. 

We decided to go to  Bruggers for supper. Nothing like a little food to heal wounds (John got me a DQ blizzard the night before). While we were there the midwife called. She started to tell me how everything from the ultrasound looked good and it was okay that my dates were off. I had to stop her mid sentence to tell her that I had miscarried. She was so very empathetic. I only talk about this part because of the necessity of another Rhogam shot. A Rhogam shot is a shot a pregnant woman has to get before and after her first pregnancy and after every subsequent pregnancy if her blood type is the opposite of her baby's father. It helps her body not to attack the baby if their bloods come in contact with one another. I had one before and after Kai, but it didn't even cross my mind that I'd need one after our miscarriage. I went in for that the following morning bright and early before going to work. A nurse gave me the shot and after that the midwife I'd been talking to brought me back to a room just to see how I was. She gave us the go ahead to not wait to try for another one :) 

We made it through the wedding and the following week I got a care package from the midwife. I cannot rave enough about their personal care. They are the best ever! On August 28 I had a blood test to check my hCG level to make sure the miscarriage was complete and my numbers were good. Now we're praying for Baby #3! 

Please don't hesitate to post questions here or to email me. Thanks again for reading and allowing myself to heal :) 

I've thought of a few more details I wanted to share:

1. In case I didn't remember the miscarriage happened my insurance thought they'd send lots of mail explaining our benefits and what we owed them.

2. I'm thankful for the friends that shared their stories of loss with me before it happened in my life. That's another reason I'm sharing. 

Here's a website for Rhogam FAQs: http://www.rhogam.com/FAQs

Oh Hey, Friday!

Another Friday is here! I love when Friday comes because that means we get John home for two days starting after work. I'm blessed with an incredible husband and I miss him during the week. I think. Kai does too. He's not old enough to understand where daddy is going but on the weekends he knows he hasn't left. If daddy is still in bed on Saturday or Sunday morning Kai will not stay in the living room. He continually crawls to our bedroom until John gets out of bed to play. He loves his daddy! Anyway, again I'm linking up with September Farm and The Farmer's Wife. Check them out :)

{My Five}

{One} Yesterday Kai and I went to the Minnesota Zoo with a friend. We purchased a dual adult membership ($100) in which one adult is named on the card, me.  It allows me to bring any other person with me and Kai is free, so we've gone a handful of times with John and a handful of times I've brought friends.  It's been a very worthwhile investment for us.  Recently the zoo built a carousel and yesterday was Kai's first time riding it.  He did get to ride one in Florida last March but he was sleeping while riding in the Ergo, so that doesn't count.  Man did he LOVE it!  My heart was a mess of happiness just watching him right.  He was smiling ear to ear the whole time.  The only thing I wish was that John was there to see it.  It was the highlight of my week and probably Kai's as well!

{Two} A new development for Kai is tantrums.  Thankfully they're not quite the loud, screaming ones yet, but I have to try not to giggle when they happen.  He starts to throw toys and hit his hands on the floor.  Most of the time it's adorable and this week I've tried hard to communicate with him that I want to understand what is making him upset and I think he's starting to understand that and then he tries to help me understand.  I'm so intrigued about how his little mind is working.  I love that he's becoming a little boy and we're starting to communicate even if it's not verbal quite yet.

{Three}  I've been perusing Craigslist for quite some time for a Little Tikes Climber with a slide.  (I like to search for items on Craigslist often, but this has been my recent en devour.)  They are pretty expensive brand new and some people still want quite a bit for their used ones, so I'd been picky about what I want.  I didn't mind at all that it would be used because Little Tikes products can take a beating, but I knew I didn't want it to look ruined and I didn't want to spend more than $100.  Last Sunday one popped up for $60 and the picture made it look great, but it was taken apart already, so it was a little hard to picture what it would look like set up.  I emailed the poster right away.  We emailed back and forth a few times, agreed on $50 and John and I went right over to pick it up.  Kai loves it although he's still figuring it out.  I had to put a stool behind it to help him get up, but I know next year he will love it!  I am so happy that we found one!

{Four}  Tomorrow is the Open House at my in-laws garden center.  I always enjoy spending the day there and seeing all the people.  John grills hot dogs and we just do what we can to help.  (Feel free to stop by for free lunch!  Here's the address:  Midwest Garden Company 21392 CSAH 18 Dassel, MN  55325.  It's easy to spot from Highway 15.)  I hope Kai decides he's going to have a happy day and encourage all the customers to buy lots :)  Thankfully my parents live less than a mile away so Kai and I can sneak away for a nap or two if we need to.  It should be a fun time full of lots of sales on plants and anything garden related!  I'll try to post a photo on Instagram (emhammar) of all of us wearing our Midwest Garden Company shirts :)

{Five}  Chicken Corn Chowder.  This recipe from Freetime Frolics was delicious!  It was a bit time consuming and hard with a toddler clinging to my leg, but it was worth it.  It could have been a bit easier if my chicken was already cooked or if I used canned/frozen corn instead of off the ear sweet corn.  I felt like a true wonderful wife serving it because I worked hard and it was delicious. 

Do you have a worthwhile memberships to have with toddlers? What are your best Craigslist finds? Random question becuas I've been contemplating a very personal post... Where do you draw the line on what you share on your blog or on social media?  

Thanks for stopping! Check back Monday for Hopes and Plans!

Oh Hey, Friday!

As always I'm linking up with September Farm and Farmer's Wife, click the icon at the bottom to check them out :)

{My Five}

{One} Tonight John and I get to go on a date!  We've been out together without Kai maybe three times since he was born (I know, not great for our relationship!) so I'm pumped for tonight.  We're celebrating my birthday so I got to pick the place and decided on Fujiya. I am oh so excited to stuff my face with delectable raw fish and maki rolls I can pack in.  I will definitely try not to late afternoon snack today!  My mouth is watering just thinking about it...  John said I can choose what we do for our weekend too.  Not sure yet what sounds fun. My birthday was actually on Wednesday and it was delightful.  I got to snuggle with my boy, meet my mom for coffee (Caribou offers a free medium drink for birthdays!), have Chipotle for supper and watch the season premiere of The League.  Here's to a great 27th year!


{Two} My sweet youngest sister got crowned Dassel Ambassador last Saturday night!  I couldn't be more proud of her. When I ran I lost, so she said I could borrow her crown sometime.  What are sister's for? :)

{Three} So The League premiered on my birthday which was a treat.  It is honestly one of my favorite shows.  It's about a group of high school friends (and one of their wives) who are in a fantasy football league together.  The humor isn't for everyone, but holy buckets does it get me rolling sometimes.  I remember nursing Kai as an itty bitty newborn and he was just vibrating because I was laughing so hard.  Seasons 1-5 are on Netflix and John and I have watched them over and over again.

{Four} To make The League and the NFL season a little bit more fun this year I joined John's friends Fantasy Football League.  Truthfully someone dropped out and they needed a tenth player.  I jokingly told John I'd love to join and on draft night he came home having drafted two teams instead of one.  He did a pretty good job, but I totally feel like I have something to prove since it's me and nine other guys competing.  Week One started last night, so we'll see how this goes.

{Five} I'm going to try and end on a funny note.  Kai hasn't been feeling the best this week, but we've also been trying to wean him off of nighttime nursing.  I'm so tired of getting up at all hours.  I'm fine if he eats after 4am because he'll go back to sleep.  If he eats earlier than that he wants to get up at 6am and this momma can't handle that.  It was midnight on Tuesday and he was screaming.  He's smart and he has us wrapped around his little finger.  We were trying to help him settle down, but nothing was really working and we figured it was his cough and stuffed nose bothering him.  He kept reaching for the nightstand so I was handing him everything one by one and he was pushing everything away.  Finally I handed him a breast pad (I have to put one in on the side he isn't feeding on still because I would be soaking wet if I didn't, sorry TMI) and he put it into my shirt.  I thought maybe it was an accident, so I put it back on the nightstand and we did the same little song and dance again.  Can this kid seriously be so smart?  I feel bad that sometimes I don't think I give him enough credit.  Good grief baby boy.  I love him to death.  After I was stunned by his intelligence he got what he wanted and slept until 6am.  I should have told him all I wanted for my birthday was a good night's sleep.

 

 Thanks for reading!

Oh Hey, Friday!

It's another Friday and I honestly almost forgot to post.  Here I am though, so here it goes :)

My Five

{One} Kai took his first steps two days ago and a few more yesterday and today!  I'm one proud momma!  He has one week to be prepared to walk down the aisle at Auntie Hannah and Uncle Ethan's wedding though.  Can't say I believe that's going to happen.  He's going to be darn cute in his little suit though!

{Two} Last weekend we went to Ikea and there was a tent/tunnel that Kai fell in love with!  He was crawling back and forth and even pushed an older kid out of his way so he could get though (we'll have to work on that!) After that I thought it would be a stellar birthday gift.  I remembered seeing one at TJMaxx, so off I went to purchase it.  It's this model.  Feels a little flimsy, but we don't plan on going camping with it, so it's great for us.  I also couldn't wait until his birthday so it's in our living room right now and Kai is loving it and the dog has been sleeping in it.  It's fabulous!

{Three} I've been working on being a better wife.  Sometimes I get wrapped up in being Kai's mom that I forget that being John's wife is equally if not more important.  My relationship with Jesus comes first, then John then Kai.  I just feel like I've been slacking in loving John well, so I'm working on a list of tangible things to do.  I am planning to keep that list in a place I see it so I can hold myself accountable.  Maybe I'll share some of them if I have some free time :)

{Four} I made these muffins and used this acorn squash recipe this week.  Of course I added chocolate chips into the muffins.  Both recipes were winners. Oh how I'm longing for fall.

{Five} I'm in the market for a wrap baby carrier and/or a ring sling type carrier.  I'm not sure if I should make one or if I should just support another momma on Etsy or go cheap and buy a used one on eBay.  I'm at a loss.  I've done a lot of research and still can't decide.  Any suggestions would be awesome!

Two weeks in a row, here's to hoping I post next week as well :)  Until then, have a wonderful week!

Oh Hey, Friday!

I'm a little saddened by the fact that I haven't blogged in SO long, but I'm chalking it up to life and soaking up every ounce I can of my baby boy and our little family.  Some of the blogs I regularly read do a post called "Five Things Friday" and I'm going to try and stick with that.  Here goes nothing!

My Five :)

1. Last week we took a family vacation to St. Thomas, in the Virgin Islands.  John and I have been there three times before so we felt comfortable bringing Kai.  He did incredible besides crazy terrible sleep (but what's new there).  He loved the sand and the ocean and snuggling with mom and dad for literally every nap.  Best part, watching him take it all in.  He learned and grew so much!  He would sit on the beach and watch the waves roll in, digging his feet into the sand.  When he got courageous he would crawl back and forth into the waves and back out into the sand.  He ate his fair share of sand and salt water and peed all over me while nursing on the beach the only time I forgot a swim diaper.  It was also wondering to water Kai interact with John.  He is enamored with his daddy!  I could tell he loved having uninterrupted time with him.  Family vacations are the best!  To see our vacation photos click here!  (They're worth it just to see the water, the perfect shade of turquoise!)

Magen's Bay Beach, St. Thomas

2. I can't believe we're approaching Kai's first birthday.  It's bittersweet for me!  My little baby is gone and in has come a fiery and giggly toddler.  I was attempting to make some invites before starting this post, so we'll see how those turn out.  I can't wait for his party :)

3. Three is a big shout out to my incredible husband.  He had a big project at work (which came to a good point before vacation) so we've had him around a bit more often.  Kai loves it, I love it and the Comet loves it.  I couldn't be more thankful that he is such a hard worker and so motivated.  Sometimes I'm not a very uplifting to him so I'm making it a point to try harder.  John deserves the best from me as he strives to give me his best.  Plus he's the world's best daddy!

4.  Confession:  I've been feeling like motherhood can get lonely, but at the same time sometimes I feel I need time to myself.  Maybe it's because my adult interaction is a lot of times limited to John or because Kai is still little and needs so much attention and care.  It could also be that I'm not very good at looking out for myself.  I basically get whatever time is left after Kai, John, Comet, the house, my family... so there is no time left.  I should probably be working on that.

5. Lastly, since it's August 1st, I'm going to strive to smile more, laugh more and give more hugs.

Thanks for reading!  I'll be back next Friday (hopefully!)

Linking up with Amy @ The Farmer's Wife and Karli @ September Farm today for Oh Hey, Friday!

Six Months.

Height & Weight: You weigh 18 pounds and 4 ounces and you're 27 inches long.  Good gracious, where did my tiny baby go??  

Health: You've been in tip top shape except for two short-lived colds.

Sleep:  You have gotten SO much better! I think the turning point was around five months.  You sometimes have trouble going down at night, but we have a routine and it seems to help.  You have bathtime, look in the mirror and have snuggles with daddy, then you eat and snuggle with me.  I usually lay you down awake and you fall asleep, but sometimes you fall asleep nursing.  I feed you again at 10pm before I go to sleep, but you are generally very drowsy. Most nights you sleep until sometime between 3:30-5:30 (You did make it to 6:40am once!) If you wake up before 4am daddy or I give you your paci and you fall back to sleep.  Your naps had gotten better as well.  Some days are better than others.  I lay you onto your tummy, you snuggle up with my scarf and your paci and most of the time fall asleep.  The past week has been awful and we've had lots of power struggles at nap and at bedtime, but I think it had to do with all the milestones you hit this week.  Bedtime has been close to normal the past three nights, but naptimes are still terrible.  I hope soon  you decide again that little naps are good for both of us.

Diet:  Milk is your favorite, but you've tried carrots, apples, sweet potatoes, peaches, pears and oatmeal.  Tomorrow we're going to try peas :) 

Clothes:  You are a chunker.  You can't even fit into anything six month size, haven't fit into them since 5 months.  You are wearing 9mo-12mo.  Pants are just plain  hard because of your fluffy cloth diaper butt.   

Baby Gear Love:  Your jumper is a favorite!  Recently we bought a high chair and you love it! I think it makes you feel like a big boy.  You love frozen teething toys and anything else that can fit in your mouth.  You have started to like toys that make noise and light up.  You spend lots of your time on the floor with mommy and daddy rolling around and playing toys or looking at books. 

Likes:  You still love bath time, singing silly songs with daddy, tasting different foods, looking at colorful books, video-chatting with aunties or Grandma and Grandpa, petting Comet, going for walks with mommy and being naked.

Dislikes:  When you're tired, but won't sleep, naptime, not being able to figure out a new skill. 

Social:  You enjoy other people, but you're starting to voice your opinion about wanting mommy and/or daddy.  You love your grandparents and aunties and uncles.  I love watching you play with your little friends.  The level of interaction is so wonderful.           

Milestones: The last week was incredible!  On Monday you started lifting your body off the ground on your hands and toes (plank) for less than a second.  Apparently you decided to skip your knees all together for right now.  Tuesday you were holding yourself up for seconds at a time.  Wednesday you were getting into your plank and scooting backwards and sitting up for a few seconds or longer when I'd place you in that position.  Thursday and Friday you were a moving machine scooting yourself across the floor.  Saturday you just continued practicing and then today you rolled from one end of the room to the other and when you couldn't roll anymore you started scooting backwards.  I'm sure forward crawling won't be far off.  You are amazing.  

Nicknames:  Daddy's nickname for you is Boomer and Mommy's is Goober, Gooby, Scooby.

We love you so much sweet little Boo Boo Bear! I can't wait to keep watching you grow!

Three Months.

Hey Little Goober,

Happy three months!  You are so amazing.  I can't believe you're mine sometimes.  You're so lucky to be surrounded by so much love from your grandparents and aunties and uncles.  You are so loved.  I can't give you enough kisses or hugs.  You smell so good.  I'm trying to take all of you in because I know how much you've changed in the past three months and I know it is just going to continue.  I love your chubby cheeks and round tummy and bald spot :) Thanks for all your beautiful smiles that I get during the day.  You're perfect.    

Height & Weight:  Two weeks ago you weighed 12 lbs 13 oz, so I'm sure you're above 13 lbs how.  I anticipate you will have doubled your birth weight by four months.  Way to go pal!  I'm not sure how tall you are but I can tell you're growing because your clothes are fitting better, even some getting too small.

Health: You had your first cold, lots of snot and sniffles.  Poor little guy!  You did get to sleep with us in our bed though :)  Thankfully it was short-lived and you were back to normal in no time.

Sleep:  Still nothing consistent.  Last week was awful and you were up again every two hours in the night.  Thankfully that was also only about a week long and it's gotten better this week.  You're naps are still short, but hopefully you get one good one during the day.  We start your bedtime routine sometime between 7-7:30.  We do bath time, pjs, snuggles with daddy and your last meal :)

Diet:  Milk is your favorite.

Clothes:  You are wearing anything between 3mo and 6mo.  I have to keep going through the bigger clothes to make sure we're not missing any that fit.  There was a 6-9mo onesie that you've already grown out of.  I have discovered that baby clothing sizes are a complete joke.  It's annoying, but I just have to make sure I stay on top of it for you.  You grew out of the homemade and newborn cloth diapers! 

Baby Gear Love:  Your gym is still a favorite.  It has toys hanging all over it.  You adore your Oball!  Your daddy and I are planning to get you another one for Christmas so one can go on your gym and one on your carseat.  When we were out running errands this weekend you napped while holding your Oball.  Our cloth diapers are still wonderful.  I've been using cloth wipes too (most of them I made) and the first no waste diaper change and that made me feel fabulous :)  He has started to like his Johnny Jump Up. 

Likes:  Taking Baths while singing songs with daddy, dancing and singing with mommy, putting anything and everything in your mouth and talking.

Dislikes:  When you can't get something close enough to put it in your mouth, when you get overtired, big noises (barking, sneezing)

Social:  You are so smiley and talkative.  We are loving it!  You have had lengthy conversations with your grandmas and grandpas too.  They were so excited about it!         

Milestones:  You are getting so sturdy, holding your head up and using your legs.  I also know now that you really know daddy's voice because when he comes home from work you look around for him.  You are starting to blow spit bubbles. 

Nicknames:  Daddy still calls you Boomer, but I've moved to Goober and every form of the word.  

Kai's Birth Story

I knew going into pregnancy that I'd want to document all of it with photos, blogs, notes, everything I could. I wrote down a lot of details about our pregnancy and I want to be able to tell Kai about his time in his baby palace if he wants to know about it. I kept this blog because I didn't want to forget anything. If we only have two kids (which is our plan currently) then I want to cherish every little thing! Kai is such a miracle and so was his birth.

It was Thursday, August 22, 2013 and I was at work playing with Miss B. It was my last planned day with her so I was really trying to enjoy it. I had some cramping the night before, but hadn't thought much of it because I didn't want to be disappointed again if it wasn't actual labor. At 2:15pm I had my first “contraction”. I would call the “contraction” a cramp, nothing more than menstrual cramps that didn't stop when I changed positions. They lasted a minute on average. For some reason I started keeping track of them but they weren't regular. I ended up having eight in the last two hours I was at work. Lindsay came home and I left, called John on my way home just to let him know what was going on. I didn't want to tell anyone else because I really wasn't sure I was in true labor. I got gas in the CRV on the way home, just in case :) Between the time I left work and the time John got home I only have a few “contractions”, but nothing regular or painful.

When John got home I told him everything that had been happening. We decided to treat the day like any other. I knew I didn't want to be sitting at home wondering if this was actually happening.  I wanted to relax as much as possible and enjoy the evening with John and Comet (possibly our last). We decided to go for a walk at Normandale, our two mile path. It was maybe too much, but my body was used to doing it during pregnancy, so I thought it would be fine. When we got there and I got out of the car I had my first real surge, more than a simple cramp. I leaned on the seat in our car and swayed.  After it was finished I remember just getting going on our walk. John was so calm through the whole process as it happened. We talked while we walked and I had six more contractions before we were done. With each one I leaned over and swayed.  I'm sure John will say this, but I was still not ready to acknowledge that I was in true labor. I remember telling John that it was so neat how my body was working. The “contraction” started, built, lasted for a little while and went away and I felt back to my normal self. It was so awesome to me. God made my body to go through labor. I loved it. On our way home we picked up some supper, I got Chipotle and John got Noodles. I had another one while we were on our way home, but they slowed when we got home and ate.

After we ate they returned very regularly, about every 10 minutes, lasting a minute each. We watched tv for an hour or two and I tried to relax. Around 9:30pm I took a bath and decided to get in bed to try and sleep. My contractions started to come every 6.5 minutes and still were lasting one minute. John called the hospital to say that we would be coming at some point. He also called both of our mommas to let them know what was up. I think John and I both anticipated being at home for a while. I knew that I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. John was so wonderful at this point and after he made his phone calls he packed up the can in preparation. I was snuggled up in my pregnancy pillow and poof my water broke at 10:40pm. I wasn't anticipating it happening at home because my mom's didn't with any of us. I heard a “pop” and it was a huge gush of water.  I won't ever forget it, so weird. Right after my water broke my contractions went from 6.5 minutes apart to averaging 4 minutes apart. Some were even closer and happening back to back. The intensity was crazy! They went from tolerable to incredibly intense.  At this point John took over as I couldn't really focus on anything but what was happening within me. He told me to get ready and get into the car. I got dressed and said goodbye to Comet. I was sad to leave Comet because he looked scared. He didn't know what was going on. Poor little guy!  With that we were on our way to the hospital!

John's driving amazed me at this point. He was so focused on getting us to the hospital. As we were driving he called the hospital to tell them we were coming and they tried to tell us they were on divert and we'd have to go to another hospital. He was very adamant, even a bit aggressive with whoever he was talking to. I was touched by how protective he was of me. He was getting me into Methodist. Turns out they had saved us a spot because we'd called earlier, but we were the last couple to be admitted that night.  We walked in and made our way to the elevator. I had a few contractions on the way which caused me to pause and bend over. We ended up in a crowded elevator which was so uncomfortable. I couldn't wait to get to the 3^rd floor. They checked us into a triage room at about 11:45pm. I felt like we waited forever in that room. My contractions were so intense. I believe this was when I started to utilize my voice. I always thought it was a little funny when we made noise during yoga but I was a noisy lady during labor! After Kai was born a visitor told me that laboring women have a “song” they sing and that was exactly how John described it.

In the triage room we first saw a nurse.  She took my vitals and hooked me up to a baby monitor because we intended on having a water birth. They needed a continuous read of the baby for twenty minutes in order for us to deliver in the water. We then saw the midwife. I was excited to see a midwife I'd had for appointments. She checked my progress and boy did that hurt! I was entirely unaware how painful it would be. I remember that I started sobbing at that point. I was already 5cm and 100% effaced. I didn't know whether to feel good about that or scared that it might take me a lot longer to get to 10cm. I certainly didn't feel bad about it because I knew my body was doing something. After that we finally got moved to our room. I had two contractions on the way and I remember not even trying to be quiet in the hallway. Amy (our midwife) did such a great job putting pressure on my low back and hips and John whispered to me to tell me I could do it.

Once we made it to our room I got into the tub. It was too hot and it made me sweat. I couldn't find a way to hold myself in place when I had contractions. I felt like the tub was too big for me. I knew I couldn't utilize the tub, so I got out and moved to the bed. I labored on my side for a lot of this time period because it was easiest for me to relax in that position during breaks. I remember wanting to tell John and the midwife to be quiet because they were making small talk. The nurse continually moved the monitor that was placed on the baby and it was so uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her to quit because she always moved it during my break between contractions, so she was causing more pain than necessary I thought. As my contractions continued to increase in intensity I continued to “sing”. I remember being incredibly loud and John said he'll vouch for that :) There was a turning point that scared me sometime around 3am. (During labor I had no concept of time, but I'm pretty sure this is a close estimate after talking to John) The midwife had checked me a half hour earlier and I was already 9cm dilated. I remember that being encouraging! Not long after that check my “singing” turned into low moaning. The first time it happened I was shocked because my body did it instinctively. I honestly don't recall having any control over my tonal change. After Kai came John said at this point the nurse paged our midwife urgently telling her to come back asap.

Amy came back and checked me again and I was 9.5cm, so she pushed back my cervix so I could start pushing. This was at 3:30am, which I also found out later on. At this point I started to push. They were great about helping me switch positions to push, but moving for me was very difficult. My body was trying to conserve every bit of energy I had and I did my best to rest between contractions. The surges were coming very close together and sometimes they came right after each other. I pushed on my sides, my back, hands and knees and squatting. John said that almost right after I started pushing he could see Kai's head and all his dark hair :) I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. During this time I was completely within myself. I rarely answered anyone's questions and the only word I uttered regularly was, “Water,” so John would give me a drink. I was nauseous a lot of the time and thought I'd throw up, kept tasting my Chipotle (won't eat that next time!). At 6:30am (still pushing) I rolled over and looked out the window and it was light out. I said, “Holy shit, it's light outside!” Everyone laughed.  As I pushed I remember the nurse and Amy continually telling me that I was so close. I don't remember when but there seemed to be events happening that made me feel close, but Kai still didn't come. Amy put her delivery scrubs on, a cart with extra medical supplies was rolled in, a different nurse said she was going to sit at the end of the bed while Amy rushed out for sometime in case the baby came. I remember being so frustrated because I was pushing with all I had and didn't know how much I had left. At 7am the shift change happened and we got two new nurses and a whole load of new energy. They were so energetic and I really feel it was a great change for me! Each nurse took one leg to help me push, while John continued to be a rock for me up by my head telling me it was going to be okay. It only took forty more minutes to push him out after that. I got to pull him up onto my chest. Turns out he was sunny side up, the wrong way, which is why it took me so long to push him out. Poor little man came out with a bit of a conehead and a huge bruise from continually hitting my pelvic bone. John said the first thing I uttered was, “Little peanut, my sweet little man."  

He is my sweet, perfect, handsome, wonderful little man.

Two Months.

Dear Boo Boo Bear,

You are two months old!  Holy buckets!  I can't believe how big you've gotten and how much you've learned.  Keep growing big and strong and learning new things every day!  I love you so much!  I'm challenged by you every day and night, but this is by far the most rewarding experience of my life.  I look forward to many more days smiling and talking to each other, teaching you and snuggling you.  Just so you know I'd be thankful if you slept a little more at night :) 

Height & Weight:  At your 2-month appointment yesterday weighed 11 lbs 1 oz (20th%) and were 22 inches long (11th%).  The doctor said you're doing perfect :)

Health: You are a healthy, growing boy.  At your appointment you had to get two shots and an oral medicine.  It was so hard to see you cry, but you got through it like a champ!

Sleep:  Nothing consistant.  You are still pretty good at sleeping in your crib at night, but you are struggling to sleep there during the day.  Sometimes I let you nap in your swing so you at least sleep.  You've gotten better though, so I'm sure you're moving in the right direction. 

Diet:  You love milk.

Clothes:  You are wearing 0-3 month clothing.  I finally packed away all your newborn clothes.  It was sad to put them away, but you might have a baby brother or baby boy cousin someday, so they'll get more use.  You're 3 month clothing looks like the newborn clothing did on you when you were brand new, super big :)

Baby Gear Love:  You still love your play gym.  Recently you've starting loving being rolled around on mommy's exercise ball, helps you with tummy pains.  We've started using our other cloth diapers and I'm very happy with them.  We have some Fuzzibunz Perfect Size Small, some BumGenius 4.0, some Flip Covers and Inserts and a few from a WAHM.  You love looking at the Sheep Mobile that Grandma Sue made for you while you're hanging out in your crib.  We were able to borrow this swing from friends and Kai loves it!

Likes:  Taking Baths, Tummy Time, Kisses from Comet, Smiling at Mommy and Daddy and using your swing. 

Dislikes:  Napping in your crib and diaper changes at night.

Social:  You are cooing and smiling at us!  You rub your eyes just like your daddy when you're tired.          

Milestones:  Your neck is getting very strong and you can hold your head up for a little while when you're laying on your tummy.

Nicknames: Boomer and Boo Boo Bear have been the favorites recently. 

Meet Kai Atticus Hammar :)

Our babe has arrived!  He is actually two days shy of two weeks.  That time has been filled with smiles, tears, exhaustion and laughter.  I don't have time to write about it right now as it's almost feeding time, but I just wanted to share that he's here!  We love him to death and of course think he's the cutest little man on the planet!  Thanks for all the love and support during my pregnancy and I promise there will be many posts to come about this sweet little guy!

Kai Atticus Hammar

Born: August 23, 2013 at 7:40am

Weight: 7 lbs 1 oz   Height: 19.5 inches long

To see his newborn session, click here :)

thirty-six weeks.

Date/How Far Along: July 30, 2013 = 36 weeks and 2 days.  Twenty-six days until our Guess Date and no more than forty days until Baby Hammar is here!

Size of baby:  Baby Averages from 36 Weeks: 17.2-18.7 inches and 4.2-5.8 pounds.  

Sleep: On Saturday night I slept six hours without waking up.  It was so wonderful :)  Otherwise sleep has been fine.  Uncomfortable sometimes, but for the most part I still can't complain.  He'll be out soon and I'm sure my sleep will be worse than it is now. 

Total Weight Gain:  I have another appointment on Friday, which starts my weekly appointment schedule, so I will know about gain every week from now on.  I'm so close that a few extra pounds don't really bother me.  (At least when I say it out loud, seeing it on the scale might produce a different taste in my mouth.)

Symptoms:  I'm waddling and sometimes have to have John help me out of chairs.  I previously thought to myself I never wanted to be "that" pregnant lady.  I've been humbled :)  I'm still experiencing the weird groin pain and lots of hip pressure/pain/stiffness.  I'm not sure if John would say this but I feel like I've been more emotional too, at least over the weekend.     

Movement:  He was SO active last night and I even captured some on video.  While I was taping though John looked over and was so excited that he could see it too.  I love when he's excited about the baby.  He's going to be such a great dad.  I've still been feeling lots of hiccups and lots of wiggles, not so much jabs anymore, but that's normal when they get bigger and have less room to move around. 

Maternity Clothes:  Yup, bought my first few nursing tank tops and a bra.  It felt funny.  Sidenote: John and I don't take plastic bags from stores if we only have a few things and I forget my reusable bags in the car.  The cashier at Babies R Us was so funny because we told her that and she very adamantly said, "She doesn't want anyone seeing her bra!"  John and I got a good chuckle out of it because I honestly could care less if people see my bra or any other unmentionables I buy :)  I've been trying to pack our hospital bag, which currently is spread around on the kitchen table, and I can't decide which clothing to bring.  I've gotten suggestions from friends, so hopefully that'll help narrow it down.   

Go-to eats:   Taco Salad!  We're having it for supper and I've been looking forward to it since Saturday when we decided that's what we were going to have.  I've been craving fresh fruit, so I've eaten lots of peaches and raspberries from our bush outside.  

Best moment/s of the week:  We had a very great week.  We got lots of walks in, three with John and one with a friend.  I got to see a few other pregnant friends and my sister Erin on Friday and see my family on Saturday for breakfast.  John and I got a lot done around the house and bought a few things we didn't have yet for the baby on Saturday.  It was a very productive weekend even though I'm exhausted today.  Looking forward to our taco salad will keep me going. 

Hardest moment/s of the week:  Being exhausted.  Knowing that we're getting closer and closer to the labor and delivery part.  I'm so excited to meet him and know that we'll have a baby regardless of how he ends up coming into the world, but I'm still a little anxious.  

Gender:  The babe is a boy.  I'm sure he'll be handsome like his daddy. 

What I wish people knew:  I am so thankful for all the thoughtfulness people have shown us throughout this pregnancy, whether it's gifts for the babe, a kind comment or an offer of help around the house.  We're so blessed by family and friends. 

What I’m looking forward to:  Seeing John's mom tonight, we have to bring her to the airport early tomrrow morning.  I'm actually looking forward to my midwife appointment on Friday.  Having lunch with John's grandparents next Sunday.

Milestones: You're shedding the downy hair that's covered you for the past few months and your hearing is fulling developed.   

To check out my growing bump click here :)

thirty-five weeks.

Date/How Far Along: July 23, 2013 = 35 weeks and 3 days.  Happy birthday to Uncle Karl from baby!

Size of baby:  Baby Averages from 35 Weeks:  He's probably a little over 5 pounds and it between 16-20 inches long.  One source said he's the size of a roasting chicken.  Possibly one of the worst references yet. 

Sleep: I feel like a light switch went off and now I have to get up at least twice per night to pee and then getting comfortable again is near impossible.  I'm still getting some good sleep, but I'm usually tired.  The pillow still does help, but it is just not easy between bathroom runs, a huge bump and back pain. 

Total Weight Gain:  I had gained nothing at my last appointment and the midwife said that was just fine.  He probably had a growth spurt before my last appointment.  I was also measuring a week bigger than I was supposed to which also can indicate a growth spurt.  Due to how happy I was about not gaining another 4.5 pounds I got Wendy's for Comet and I on my way home. 

Symptoms:  I asked the midwife about the groin pain and apparently it's totally normal and lots of women actually experience it.  It just has to do with all the pressure down there.  It's gotten tolerable and John is less worried every time I have to stop because of it.  I have been having lots of back pain this week which I assume is just the extra weight plus having to carry Miss B around at work.  I just try to continually change positions throughout the day in hopes that I ease the stress on my muscles.  I've been having very positive dreams about labor, delivery and breastfeeding as well.  It makes my mornings so much more positive.  I know he's coming (in no more than 6.5 weeks) and I know I can do it.    

Movement:  He's still wonderfully active even when it hurts :)  John has been touching my tummy more often to feel him and I love that.  The baby also seems to be especially excited when John and I talk to each other and he can hear both of our voices.  I've been feeling lots of hiccups!  Apparently my movements have also changed, my sweet grandma said to me on Sunday, "You know you're walking more like a duck these days."  I swore I didn't want to be the pregnant woman who waddles around and can't get out of chairs without help, but it's happened and I wouldn't trade it :)

Maternity Clothes:  Still a mix of both, but depending on what I'm wearing it can be more of one or the other.  I wore all regular clothes yesterday.    

Go-to eats:   I haven't had any strong cravings except for today.  I am meeting a friend for lunch and we decided on a place, but I couldn't stop thinking about a sandwich at a different place so she graciously said she'd go there with me instead.  I have been craving sushi so much, so that's another reason I will be so happy when this baby comes out.    

Best moment/s of the week:  We got to tour the birth center last Wednesday and that was reassuring.  It was still under construction when we saw it the first time, so it was nice to see what a room with a birthing tub looked like.  The tubs look great too which makes me more excited for our water birth!  I also got to see lots of family this weekend because we had our last baby shower.  It was such a blessing to have my grandparents drive up here from Nebraska for it.  I want them to be as involved as possible in the baby's life, so it was so nice.

Hardest moment/s of the week:  My sister and brother-in-law's puppy Sandy got hit by a car.  We are heartbroken and I feel worse because I know my sister is really sad about it.  We will really miss her!  Erin said though that she just got sent up to heaven for our grandpa's first heaven birthday.  I'm sure they're up there running and playing :)

Gender:  We are so excited about bringing a boy into the world. 

What I wish people knew:  I don't mind when most people touch my belly.  I haven't had a complete stranger do it yet, so that might be a little silly, but for the most part I haven't minded at all.     

What I’m looking forward to:  Another weekend of just our family of four, John, Comet, baby and I.  We'll probably try to get some more housework done, but hopefully we can find time to relax and enjoy each other's company.  I'm excited to see the few friends I get to see this week too!

Milestones: You are really focusing on gaining weight.  Most of your development is complete, so gaining weight is the next step to preparing for your entrance into the world. 

To check out my growing bump click here :) 

Have fun running and playing with Grandpa Morris little Sandy girl!  We love you!

thirty-four weeks.

Date/How Far Along: July 15, 2013 = 34 weeks and 2 days. It's only 40 days until our guess date and 54 days until we are 42 weeks.  The midwives will not let us go later than 42 weeks, so in 54 days or less we'll have a baby to hold in our arms.  Holy buckets!  Yay!

 

Size of baby:  We quit trying to compare his size to an object.  Here's baby averages for 34 weeks:  17.2-18.7 inches long and 4.2-5.8 pounds.

 

Sleep:  I think I have to say it's still going well.  There are nights that are worse than others and it is getting harder to find a comfortable position, but I'm still getting more than I'll get after baby comes.  For that I'm thankful.

 

Total Weight Gain:  I'm hoping it's not a large amount more than at my last appointment, but I have an appointment on Friday, so we'll see. 

 

Symptoms:  The worst part is my upper thigh and groin muscles.  I'm not trying to be too graphic about it, but they are sore.  Sometimes they feel like they're being pulled so tight that I have to stop walking or doing whatever I'm doing.  It's weird.  It's not something I've heard others talk about or that I've read about.  

 

Movement:  He's so active and it's wonderful, but not always.  haha!  Honestly sometimes his twists and turns hurt.  He's so strong.  For the longest time it felt like he only sat on the right side of my abdomen, but now it feels like he's everywhere in there.  Poor guy is probably running out of room.  His movements have started to feel more like twists and turns too, opposed to kicks and jabs. 

 

Maternity Clothes:  Not today, but I'm only wearing athletic clothing.  I'm surprised at how well some of my regular clothes still fit.  If I knew I may not have bought as many maternity pieces.  I haven't bought a lot, but good fitting pants/jeans/bottoms have been really important to me.  T-shirts have no been quite as important.  I know I still have a little ways to go, but I can't imagine growing out of all my shirts by then.  We'll see though I guess.       

 

Go-to eats: For a long while I was loving chocolate covered raisins, but the last few days they made me feel sick.  We're having taco salad tonight or tomorrow and I'm definitely looking forward to that.  I've been craving Pizza Hut bread sticks, but I haven't eaten any because I've had such an issue with salt.  I don't want to eat them and then feel nasty afterwards.   

 

Best moment/s of the week:  We had the entire weekend to ourselves.  We got some house projects done, although the house looks worse than it did when we started.  We went to Menards.  We got breakfast together on Sunday morning.  We got to go to church.  We played with Comet.  It was so blissful and I'm so thankful for it!  I also got to meet a friend's baby and see my last nanny family :)

 

Hardest moment/s of the week:  There wasn't really anything hard about last week.  I'm thankful for that.

 

Gender:  Little Hammar is a Mr.

What I wish people knew:  John has been my greatest support through all of this.  He's great. 

 

What I’m looking forward to:  We are touring the birth center on Wednesday evening and we have our last baby shower on Sunday.  My grandparents from Nebraska are coming so it will be fun to see them.  I'm so happy to get to include them in this exciting part of our lives. 

 

Milestones: You can recognize simple songs.  I told your dad I'm trying to get you to love country music before you even come out, so hopefully they're simple enough :)

 

To check out my growing bump click here :)

twenty-five weeks.

Date/How Far Along: May 13, 2013 = 25 weeks and 2 days.
 

Size of baby: Cauliflower
 

Sleep: I have been sleeping well, although I've been very tired.  I'm still swearing by my pregnancy pillow :)  I plan to make a conscious effort to get to bed earlier this week. 

 

Total Weight Gain:  I slipped in right under 150 lbs at my last appointment, so I've gained about 16 pounds.  Just saying that amount makes my insides feel a little yucky, but I have to keep telling myself I'm doing such a beautiful task and gaining weight is a good thing.  I found this website that breaks down where the weight goes and that helped me.  Check it out here:  http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/healthy-weight-gain
 

Symptoms:  I feel I've been a bit more emotional this week.  I really want tasks to get done around the house, especially now that it's nice outside.  John is such a great support for me.  He really does try everything he can to make me feel better.  He's our little protector too, asking me if I'm overdoing it or making me take breaks.  He's great.
 

Movement:  He is punching and kicking and flipping and squirming in there and I'm loving every minute.  There are times I can actually feel him kick/punch on both sides on my abdomen.  Last week, John and I were howling with Comet and the baby was kicking so much for John to feel.  It was so funny.  Who knows if he was scared or excited, but I'm sure when he comes out he'll know his big brother's noises.  On Saturday we had an Easter celebration with my side of the family and two of my sister's and my mom got to feel him move.  They were so excited, which just warms my heart.  At night though before even asking I held John's mom's hand to my belly.  He stopped moving around when I did that, but John was determined for her to feel it so he just got down to belly level and talked to him for five minutes so Sue could feel his kicks.  I couldn't tell if it was more special for me that John was talking to him or that Sue was so happy to feel him.  Ahhh!  This baby is so loved :)
 

Maternity Clothes:  Of course.  There's no turning back at this point.  My in-laws got me a gift card for Mother's Day for Kohls because they have maternity clothes.  It will definitely be put to good use.  I have two weeks to find a cute dress for my first baby shower.  I did try one on this week at Kohl's but it didn't look maternity it just looked like a fitted dress on the top and a flowing sack on the bottom.  Yuck.  Crossing my fingers I'll find something. 
 

Go-to eats:  I made the best Teriyaki Pork and Asian Slaw last week and it was so delicious!  I've been trying to be more adventurous because I don't want the baby to only eat our usual.  The menu plan for this week though is again pretty boring.  I have been craving almonds and sushi. 
 

Best moment/s of the week:  Having my family and John's mom feel the baby.  Having a wonderful first Mother's Day which included a walk with Comet, a free Twins game, sushi and DQ (and of course time with the best husband in the world).  Supper with a friend last Wednesday and enjoying family time on Saturday.  It was a fabulous week!
 

Hardest moment/s of the week:  Being emotional.  The high ups are great, but the breakdowns stink.  I feel bad for John, but I think he has a good understanding that they have a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed and hormonal.  Sorry sweetheart and thanks for being so great.
 

Gender:  The babe is a boy :)

What I wish people knew:  The acknowledgement of pregnancy difficulties has been a stress release for me.  When I give myself permission to talk about how the pregnancy has made me feel without fear of judgement I feel very healthy.  Talking about it honestly has also helped me to process through all the changes that have happened and the decisions that have to be made.  I'm continually realizing that being super mom includes being vulnerable. 

What I’m looking forward to:  Cherry Berry date with some of my youth group girls on Wednesday afternoon and a lunch date on Friday. 
 

Milestones:  You've developed a sense of equilibrium.  You can tell when you're right-side up and upside down. 
 

To check out my growing bump click here :)

Our Twenty-Week Ultrasound

I had this on my list of events I wanted to blog about, but it's taken a while to process (still processing some parts).  It was such a fun day, well couple of days, but it went by so fast and I don't want to forget anything!

John took a half day and brought me Erbert and Gerberts for lunch.  I'd never had it before, but it was tasty!  Sometimes food brings such joy to my life.  It's the simple things I guess.  We ate lunch together while watching Hawaii Life, a new show on HGTV where people are buying properties in Hawaii.  With the nasty weather we've been having we had to escape somehow.

First we had our appointment with the midwife.  We were scheduled with Aszani this time.  I really like her, so I always like going in to see her.  We had to wait for a little while in the waiting room, so we were playing games on our phones and I was singing quietly along with the waiting room tunes.  John was laughing at me because I didn't know most of the words to the song that was playing.  We got called back and the nurse took my blood pressure and asked all the questions she usually does and gave me my 24 week packet with lots of info in it.  After she was finished we met with Aszani and heard the heartbeat.  She had a hard time finding it because the babe was so active.  She finally found it and said that it was around 140 bpm.  (Another sign it would be a boy.)  We finished by making our next appointments at reception and went over to the ultrasound building.  I had to walk slowly and probably had a bit of a waddle because I had to drink so much darn water and not pee before the ultrasound.

We got there twenty minutes early and actually sat in the waiting room thinking we might just find out if the babe was a boy or girl because we just couldn't wait until the next day.  Thankfully our ultrasound technician came out early, so we didn't have anymore time to think about it.  She asked us right away if we wanted to know the gender and we explained our plan to do a gender reveal cake.  She said that was very popular and we got started right away.  Looking at our baby on the screen gave me chills and I know I was a little teary because he (we waited until Saturday) looked so perfect.  His heart was beating so strong.  The baby wouldn't move around much while she was trying to get all the photos she needed.  She said he was nestled comfortably right between my pelvic bones.  It was so fun to look over at John just gazing at the screen.  He's already such a proud daddy.  He's going to be so wonderful for our little one.  The tech told us to look away a few times so she could try to figure out the sex.  At the end she came back with a white envelope that said "Gender :)" on it.   John said he talked to the tech while I was out of the room and she said that everything looked great and that the baby was right on track.  I have a phone app called My Chart and she said all the ultrasound results would be posted there, but probably not until the end of the next week.  She said he looked great so we had no worries!

We had a lazy time getting back home.  We went to Half Price Books and I found another Magic School Bus book.  I hope the baby likes them as much as I did as a kid.  After that we went to a cheese shop and got some great cheddars.  Target was our last stop to get cake supplies.  We picked up everything we thought Melissa might need to make our gender reveal cake.  We went home to pick up a pan and headed over to Mel's house to drop off the supplies.  We got Sawatdee for supper, one of our favorites.  I was giddy all night waiting to find out and so excited for the next day I woke up at 6am.  We had to try and relax until Melissa was ready for us to pick up the cake.  We finally went over there around 2pm and I had to hold it all the way home (about 1 hour and 15 minutes!)  John and I got to spend time relaxing with our families and then had pizza.  Finally it was time for the cake!  (Click here for a full post about finding out!) Baby Hammar is a boy and we are pumped :)

Fast forward a few days, to the Wednesday after.  My phone had died while I was at yoga and I hadn't plugged it in.  I made lunch and finally thought about charging it.  I turned it on and it had a message from a number I didn't recognize.  It was our midwife Aszani calling from her cell phone wanting to talk to me about the ultrasound results.  She said it was nothing to be alarmed about, but that we needed to talk.  I thought I should be in panic mode at this point, but I was oddly calm.  It was a weird calm though, stuck between feeling like I should panic and feeling emotionally shut down.  He's ours regardless of any "issues" he's facing.  I called her back and she told me about the presence of Bilateral Choroid Plexus Cysts in both hemispheres of his brain.  They are a very, very soft marker for Trisomy 18.  Note that there are NO other signs and everything else on the ultrasound looked fabulous.  I hate feeling on the spot and this was one of those times.  I didn't know what to say/ask and Aszani kept trying to reassure me that everything was most likely fine and that they just recommend doing a Level 2 ultrasound as a follow-up.  I got off the phone and called John.

We didn't want a Level 2 ultrasound at all, didn't even want another Level 1.  We wanted this pregnancy to be minimally invasive and we didn't want to take more precautions than necessary.  We wanted the baby to grow strong and healthy without lots of interventions.  I called Aszani back to ask if the Level 2 ultrasound would change the care the baby and I received.  She said no.  We could do a follow up Level 1 later on in the pregnancy to see if the cysts are still there, but even so it wouldn't change what they do for us.  It's important to say that in our research these cysts go away 99% of the time, some people live with them for their whole lives, some OBs aren't even telling pregnant mommas about them because it causes stress and worry for no reason.  I definitely worried for a few days about it, but have decided that worrying about it won't help our little guy.  He'll arrive cysts or no cysts and we'll will love him no matter what.  We plan to tell our midwives that we would prefer not to even do the follow-up Level 1 ultrasound if that is an option for us.  If it wouldn't change the care we'll get it makes no sense to put the baby through another one.  We'll just be praying this guy is as healthy as he can be.

Sorry this post got so lengthy.  I wanted it for my own record and maybe it will possibly help another new momma not to worry about this.  I'm sorry if it offended anyone as well that we don't want to do follow-up work.  We're making the decisions we feel are the best for our baby.  Thanks for reading!

Baby Hammar at 20 weeks, 6 days.